Agony and Heartbreak
by KateMulgrewIsLife
Summary: What if at the end of 'Workforce part 2' Janeway went straight to her ready room and broke down. What if the entire crew found out and decided to find a way to have Jaffen stay aboard and be with Janeway. Jaffen/Janeway mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression and self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wasn't happy with the way they ended 'Workforce'. I thought she should have told Jaffen to stay aboard _Voyager_ and they'd work something out. So I decided to write my own version. I've been told by a very reliable source, My girlfriend, that it's a very good story so I decided to share it with all of you. Haha well anyway, I hope you like it, please review with thoughts and any suggestions for future chapters. I will try to update every week or so, I am almost done with my freshman year of college so soon I'll have plenty of time to write. **

**Enjoy! J And don't forget to review!**

 **P.S. There is some swearing and mentions of depression and self-harm so beware, if that offends or upsets you please hit the back button located somewhere on your screen, thank you!**

As the turbo lift rose Kathryn tried to get a handle on her emotions. She tried to push the longing, loneliness, and devastating heartbreak of leaving Jaffen out of her mind. Removing them from her heart however was easier said than done. She wasn't sure she'd be able to face her crew. Before she had a chance to chicken out, the doors opened signaling her arrival on the bridge. She took a deep breath and put on her captain's mask. As soon as she stepped onto the bridge she heard Harry's distinct voice.

"Captain on the bridge."

They all looked up from their consoles and looked at her. She could feel their questioning stares and felt her resolve crumble and tears well up in her eyes. She kept her head down and swiftly made her way to her ready room. As soon as the doors closed behind her, the tears fell. She dissolved into sobs. She staggered her way to her couch and collapsed. She clutched at her chest desperately wanting the pain to subside. It was pure agony. She tapped her combadge.

"Janeway to the Doctor."

"What is it Captain?" He asked concerned.

"It hurts." She whimpered. "It hurts so much. Can you make it stop? Can you make it stop please?"

"I'll be right there Captain." He replied and a nanosecond later he transported into her ready room.

He gasped at the site that greeted him. Kathryn was curled in a ball on her couch, sobbing into her hands, letting out cries of agony.

"Kathryn, what's wrong? What happened? Where does it hurt?" He asked as he rushed towards her.

She grasped her chest in response, directly above her heart. "It feels like my heart is being ripped out and torn into a million pieces and stomped into the ground. Do you have anything that will make it stop... please? I'm so sick and tired of feeling like this all the time. I just want it to stop. For once I want to not feel like my insides are being torn out."

He gathered her into his arms, accidently activating her combadge which broadcasted their conversation to the entire ship.

"Shhh Kathryn. It's okay." The Doctor said in a soothing tone.

"No it's not okay. It's not okay. It's never been okay. For almost 7 years I have been alone on this damn ship. For seven years... yeah, okay I had a couple holograms here and there but it's not the same. It's not... no offence Doctor, but having a hologram love you just isn't the same as having a real person care for you, and love you. Have you ever had sex with a hologram? It leaves you empty, unsatisfied. It makes you feel lonely and pathetic. I was so happy with Jaffen. And then he ruined it, and took it all away." She sobbed.

"Who did? Who are you taking about Kathryn?" The Doctor asked.

"Who do you think I'm talking about? Chakotay, the man who thinks everything that happens on this damn ship is his business. The one who thinks that everything that involves me is his damn business. Well guess what? It's not. I'm not his property. He has no right. No right. You know what? Did I love him? Maybe once, but you know what? I couldn't do anything about it because I'm the fucking Captain. The Captain has to be alone for... for the entirety of the journey because that's the way Starfleet fucking wants it. Well, I'm sick and tired of following protocol. I have followed protocol my entire life. My father, the incomparable Admiral Edward Janeway… I was his pride and joy, his perfect little Starfleet daughter. And when he and my first fiancé died I thought it was over. I considered ending my life quite a few times, but you know what stopped me? It's really fucked up... Starfleet and its protocols. It's unbecoming of a Starfleet officer to commit suicide." She ran her sleeve under her nose, sniffling as the tears kept coming.

"Everyone thinks being Captain is so easy, well you know what? It's not. Not when you have so many expectations to live up to. And not even just my father's, because you know what? I was Admiral Owen Paris' protégé. I was the perfect Starfleet daughter he never had. At his beck and call. Whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it..." She trailed off.

"Kathryn are you saying... he forced you to have... sex with him?" The Doctor asked hoping he was wrong, while Tom Paris felt sick to his stomach waiting for the captain's reply.

"Yes okay yes. He forced me to have sex with him. Is that what you want to hear? How he made me his little dirty whore. How he told me I was his and I had to obey him, wither I liked it or wanted to or not."

"He RAPED you! Did you tell anybody?" The doctor asked outraged at what Kathryn had to go through.

"Of course not. Who was going to believe me over a highly decorated Admiral? Besides why would Owen Paris rape his best friend's daughter, the girl he treated like his own daughter?" She said tears pouring down her face. She buried her face in the doctor's neck and sobbed.

On the bridge, Tom Paris turned green at her words and quickly left his post at the Con and heading for the nearest bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach. The entire bridge crew was in shock as well as the entire ship. They couldn't believe the Captain's confession. They all felt disgust and anger towards the Admiral.

After a few minutes she pulled away and wiped her sleeve under her nose.

"It doesn't even matter." She sniffled. "You know Doctor, after I got that stupid 'Dear John' letter I was upset, but it didn't really surprise me. I mean why not? Every other man I ever loved has left me, why not Mark too? I told myself it wouldn't be that bad. I might meet someone, I might not. But I didn't even have a chance to try. Every time I even talked to someone, human, alien, Q, hell even a hologram there was Chakotay trying to claim me. Like I was some fucking trophy that he could take whenever he wanted, and put on his little shelf and I'd be his forever. Well you know what? No. NO, that is not how it works. He had no right… no right to have a claim on me because you know what… I tried. And he told me he wasn't interested. And I was glad, because Starfleet protocol was against it. Being alone wasn't so bad, you know? Because I thought Chakotay was going through the same thing as me. Because as the two commanding offers we weren't allowed to fraternize with our subordinates. But obviously I was the only one following that damn rule, because he didn't care. And he found Seven, and I was happy for them. One of us had to be happy." She sighed.

"And I thought I was going to end up alone. No chance to have kids, because I gave all that up when I became captain. I mean I knew what I was getting into and it really wasn't so bad... for the first couple of years. Then we got stranded out here and Samantha Wildman had Naomi, and it just hurt. Then there was the whole warp ten thing (sniffle) with Tom. It wasn't even so bad. But no, Chakotay had to ruin that too." She sobbed.

"What gave him the right to make that decision? What gave him the right to leave our offspring on that planet? So what if they were lizards. Maybe we could have changed them back, we could have tried. I bet he didn't even ask you if it were possible, because he didn't care. He wasn't the father, so why should he care about three innocent children. He just left them there in the middle of the wilderness, with no parents, and no protection. He thought it was A-Okay. But it wasn't. And then there was the whole Q thing. And you know what's sad? I was actually going to consider his offer." She said with a bitter laugh.

"When was I going to have a chance like that again? By the time we get back, hell if we get back, it'll be too late. I'll be too old to have kids. So I thought this is the only offer I'm going to get, I better take it. I was going to say yes. But then, he had to barge in and stake a claim on me. He said he had no right to feel jealous. And you know what he didn't! He didn't! It wasn't fair. That he could do whatever the hell he wanted, consequences be damned. It didn't even matter how I felt, because he didn't care. I was genuinely happy for him when he got with Seven. And then I meet Jaffen." She let out a sob. "He was sweet, and I know we were only on that planet for three weeks but, I love him. I love him very much, and it's killing me to have to let him go. Sometimes I wish….. I wish Chakotay hadn't found us. It wasn't such a bad life. Yeah we were abducted and working against our will but, it wasn't hurting anybody, and it certainly wasn't hurting me. That was the happiest I felt in a long time Doctor, a long time."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Just… I felt sad, all the time, for a while. It wasn't so bad sometimes, and I found the perfect way to deal with it." She replied.

The Doctor remained quiet but gave her a questioning look.

"Remember that dermal regenerator that I borrowed from sickbay? Well, I didn't need it for the reason I told you. I didn't really need it to heal wax burns. I…. needed it to heal these." She said as she pulled up the sleeve of her uniform to reveal half a dozen long, thin scars.

"Captain… you… you cut yourself." He said in disbelief.

"Not all the time. It makes me feel better. Sometimes I'd just sit in my bathtub crying. Drinking wine helped, for a little while. Until it didn't, so I tried something else. It was an accident, the first time. I was shaving and I cut myself. It made me feel in control, and human again. So I kept doing it." She explained, pulling her sleeve down.

"Why did you leave the scars?" He asked curiously.

"I healed most of them but I kept some, to remind myself I suppose. It doesn't work anymore. It doesn't make me feel better, not this time. I've never felt this much pain, this much agony." She said. "Do I not deserve happiness? Am I not allowed to be happy Doctor?" She asked.

"Of course you do Captain. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You sacrifice so much for this crew, of course you deserve to be happy." He told her.

Kathryn dissolved into sobs, and for a while he just held her. She shows no signs of calming down.

"How about a sedative? It will make you feel better Kathryn. It'll let you sleep." The Doctor suggested softly.

"How long will I be out Doctor?" She asked wiping her nose.

"24 hours." He said.

"Okay." She replied.

He pulled her closer in his arms and initialized a site to site transport to sickbay. He gently lifted her up onto a bio bed and helped her lay down. He grabs a hypospray and presses it into her neck. Her tear and pain filled eyes fell shut. He brushed her hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

"Sweet dreams Kathryn. We're going to find a way to fix this." He whispered to her unconscious form.

He pulls a blanket up over her sleeping body. Before he tucks her in, he reached for her combadge. As he pulls it off he hears an echo of the rustling of the badge throughout the ship.

'Shit!' He thinks as he deactivated the combadge and places it aside. He tugs the blanket up to her chin and makes sure she's comfortable. He dims the lights as he pushed his own combadge.

"Doctor to the bridge."

He hears a sniffle and then Chakotay replies "Yes Doctor?"

"We need to talk." He leaves sickbay and heads to the bridge.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Finally Chapter 2 is here! It has been a while but I hope the next chapters will be up much faster. I am officially on summer break so I should have plenty of time to write. I hope you guys enjoy it, as always helpful comments as well as any suggestions are always welcome, I will not tolerate hateful comments.**

 **Enjoy :)**

 **P.s: Don't forget to review!**

The doctor exited the turbo lift and noticed the tear stained cheeks of the bridge officers. He stalked over to Commander Chakotay.

"I want a word with you in private. Now." The doctor stated.

"Of course doctor." Chakotay replied. "You have the bridge Tuvok." He got up from his chair and led the Doctor back to the turbo lift.

"Deck 2." (I have no idea where Chakotay's office is so I am making it somewhere on deck 2)

The Doctor and Chakotay rode the turbo lift in awkward silence. After what felt like an eternity the lift stopped and the door swished opened. The pair exited the turbo lift and walked down the corridor in silence. The few crew members they passed nodded at the Doctor and glared nastily at the Commander. Chakotay hurried down the corridor towards his office eager to escape the nasty although well-deserved looks. When he reached the door he had to wait for the doctor to catch up. When the doctor joined Chakotay, he stepped into range of the doors and enter as they swished open, the Doctor on his heels. The doors had barley swished shut when the doctor began to tear Chakotay a new one.

"How. Dare. You. Who the hell do you think you are treating her like that!?" The Doctor exploded.

"Me!?" Chakotay replied outraged. "How dare you place the blame for this entirely on me. Kathryn is a grown woman, she can make her own decisions as she has proven time and time again."

"As if you even let her think by herself. You have to control her entire life. You can't have a romantic relationship and still expect Kathryn to be waiting in the wings for you! That's not fair to her. She deserves to be happy." The Doctor countered.

"As far as I knew she was happy. Until your little screw up she was fine." Chakotay said.

The Doctor gasped in shock and astonishment.

"My screw up!? What happened with the Captain's combadge was an accident, however the emotional break down she suffered was entirely real. How dare you stand there and say the warning signs haven't been there for months, dare I say years! She has had multiple bouts of depression and tendencies to isolate herself from the rest of the crew. And if you have forgotten the conversation that was unintentionally broadcasted to the entire ship mere moments ago, she obviously self-harms and drinks far more than acceptable. And you have the audacity to claim she is fine?" The doctor was beyond shocked; he could not comprehend how someone could be so ignorant.

Chakotay rubs his forehead and sighs loudly.

"You're right Doctor. How do we fix this?" Chakotay asked in defeat.

The Doctor hmmed with an 'I told you so' expression on his face and took a moment to contemplate their dilemma and all possible solutions.

"Well there are many possible solutions, however only one of these possibilities may work in our favor." The Doctor stated vaguely.

"And that would be Doctor?" Chakotay asked running out of patience.

"We simply have to scour the data base and comb through Starfleet protocol letter by letter in search of a way of making Mr. Jaffen a permanent residence of Voyager." The Doctor revealed like it was the most obvious thing to do.

"That could take days Doctor, we only have less than 24 hours before the captain wakes up." Chakotay said.

"Well than Commander, we will just have to call in reinforcements." The Doctor decided. "Assemble the senior staff and have them meet us in the briefing room in 5 minutes. I have to check on the Captain. I'll meet you there."

He stalked out of the office without a backwards glance.

"Great, now I'm taking orders from a self-righteous hologram." Chakotay grumbled to his empty office. With a sigh he activated his combadge.

"Commander Chakotay to the senior staff, report to the briefing room. Chakotay out." As soon as the click of his combadge sounded in the room the Commander headed towards the door, mumbling invectives about bossy holograms as he went.

The senior staff (minus the Doctor, Chakotay and of course Janeway) gathered in the briefing room waiting for the remaining 2 to join them. They glanced at the empty chair at the head of the table with a mixture of sadness and determination. If it took them the next 24 hours non-stop they would find a way to make their Captain happy again. The gather group were drawn from their musing as the Doctor entered the room followed closely by Chakotay. The Doctor took his seat while the Commander chose to stand at the end of the table. Before speaking Chakotay glanced around the table at the morose and determined faces, one in particular drew his attention. Along with determination and utter sadness, Tom Paris's face showed traces of disgust as well as undeniable anger.

"How are you feeling Tom?" He asked with concern.

"I've been better Sir." Tom answered through clenched teeth.

"Gentlemen as wonderful as this is I suggest we get to the business at hand." The Doctor stated with annoyance.

"I agree with the Doctor. The sooner we find a way to keep Jaffen on board Voyager the less time the Captain will remain damaged." Seven added.

"The Doctor and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to have Jaffen come aboard and allow the Captain to continue her romantic relationship with him is to find a loophole in Starfleet protocols." Chakotay informed the group. "Now, as you know Starfleet has many protocols-"

"Approximately- "Seven began to interrupt.

"Thank you Seven, the exact number isn't necessary." Chakotay intervened before she could finish. She looked ready to protest but decided against it, at least for now. "Anyway, as you know Starfleet has many protocols so each of us will take a section and go through it with a fine tooth comb looking for anything that may help us in this unique situation."

The group nodded and Chakotay began to distribute sections to each of them.

As the group searched through their data PADDS the only sounds heard were the random sighs and frustrated groans expelled when one of the staff members found something less than helpful. It almost seemed like a waste of time, although no one was even close to giving up, when B'Elanna shouted

"I found something!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Finally I'm done with this chapter. It has been forever, and I'm sorry guys. I had so much stuff going on I didn't have time. But I am house sitting for an entire week, I'll be by myself with nothing to do so I will definitely be writing soon and hopefully post the next chapter sooner than this one. As always I own nothing but the plot. Opinions and constructive criticisms are welcome as is requests for future fics. Feel free to PM me about any of them. So without further ado, please enjoy and don't forget to review! :) I hope you guys like it**

The group gathered around the chief engineer eagerly waiting for her to elaborate on her discovery. Not taking her eyes off the padd, B'Elanna began to explain her findings.

"Okay so as we know a superior officer cannot fraternize with a member of their crew, and that is the key component 'a member of their crew'. But in sections 520 paragraph 41, it states that a civilian may come aboard the ship and assist as a contractor or consultant. However: they are not considered a member of the crew and will not retain a rank." She said with a smile.

The rest of the group had grins as well, except for Seven, but she hardly smiled.

"So that means-" Harry started before Tom interrupted

"That if Jaffen comes aboard as an engineering consultant than-"

"The Captain can continue with her relationship and not have to worry about what Starfleet will think when we get home." Chakotay finished.

"Wonderful!" Neelix exclaimed. "The captain has been alone for the majority of our journey, she deserves to finally be happy."

"I couldn't agree more Mr. Neelix." The Doctor said. "Now, we have arrangements to make before the Captain regains consciousness and fires a phaser at our plans, so to speak."

"The Doctor is right." Chakotay said, causing the Doctor to puff his holographic chest out in pride. "B'Elanna, go back to engineering and work out a sport for our new consultant, Seven can help. Neelix, start planning a welcome home party. It will be the perfect setting to introduce Mr. Jaffen to the rest of the crew and it would definitely boost morale. Doctor, go and check on the Captain and start a medical file for Mr. Jaffen, as soon as he's aboard we'll send his down for a complete exam and medical history. Tuvok, Tom, Harry and I will return to the bridge and contact him with our proposal. Okay, dismissed."

"Fingers crossed everything works out." Tom stated, they all nodded in agreement as they left the conference room.

On the bridge the four men took their respective places.

"Harry, hail the Quarren government." Chakotay said from his chair.

"Aye sir." Harry replied as he pushed a few buttons. A few seconds later a beep echoed around the bridge.

"On screen Harry." Chakotay ordered and the face of the Quarren Ambassador appeared on the view screen.

"Commander," The Ambassador greeted. "I thought you would be long gone by now."

"That was the plan Ambassador, but there's been a hitch in the plan. We were actually hoping you could help us with our problem, so to speak." Chakotay explained.

"Whatever it is I'm sure we can. What is it?" He asked.

"We urgently need to get in touch with one of your workers, a Mr. Jaffen." Tuvok chimed in.

"That can be arranged, may I ask why?" The Ambassador asked.

"It's a rather personal matter sir, and in regard to a member of our crew we would rather not say." Chakotay replied.

"Very well Commander, I'll patch you through to him."

"Thank you, sir. Your cooperation is very much appreciated."

The screen went blank and the group waited.

"What if he declines our officer Chakotay?" Tom spun around and asked while they waited.

"I don't know Tom; I honestly don't know. But let's hope for our sake, and for Kathryn's, that he accepts." He replied.

Suddenly the blank screen vanished and Jaffen's face filled the screen.

"You wanted to talk to me?" He asked. He sounded unaffected by Kathryn's departure from his life, but one look at his face and into his eyes revealed the pain and angst he was undergoing. He reminded the bridge crew of a lost puppy.

 _Please, please say yes_ Chakotay thought before taking a deep breath.

"Jaffen, we would like to offer you a position as an engineering consultant, if you're interested. It comes with free room and board, good pay and your status as a civilian consultant would allow you and the Cap- Kathryn to continue your relationship." Chakotay said, direct and to the point.

Jaffen's slightly puffy eyes widened and brightened.

"Really?" He asked. "Kathryn and I could be together and she wouldn't get in trouble with this Federation?"

"Yes, we scoured the Federation rules and regulations and found a loophole which will allow you to come aboard." Chakotay explained.

"Of course! I'd love too!" Jaffen exclaimed with excitement. "But how does Kathryn feel about this, she's okay with it right?" He asked. "I want to be sure she's sure this is what she wants before I intrude in her life."

Before answering, Chakotay glanced back and shared a look with Tuvok, who nodded. He turned back towards the man on the screen.

"Kathryn… was extremely upset about the prospect of leaving you behind. So upset that the Doctor had to sedate her. She's fine, or course, but she was in emotional pain and you accepting our officer would definitely make her happy and feel better." Chakotay answered.

"Then I accept!" Jaffen replied.

"Excellent!" Chakotay exclaimed as the others smiled widely, Tuvok not so much but he smiled non the less. "We have almost everything ready on our end so you just have to…" He explained to Jaffen what he had to do before he could be beamed aboard his new home.

********Meanwhile in Engineering**********

Lieutenant Torres and Seven of Nine strode into engineering with an air of authority and purpose surrounding them.

"Lieutenant Carey, we need to make room for one more down here." B'Elanna informed him. Carey as well as the rest of the engineering staff had wide smiled plastered to their faces.

"Of course Ma'am, there is absolutely room for one more." He replied.

B'Elanna and Seven shared a look and smiled.

"Let's get to work then." And the three of them began the preparations for the newest member of their 'family'.

********* Meanwhile in Sickbay***********

The Doctor entered the quiet, darkened sickbay and walked up to its only occupant. He stroked Kathryn's cheek and brushed a stray lock of hair from her sleep filled face.

"You don't have to worry anymore Kathryn. We found a solution. You don't have to suffer anymore, you can now have the happiness and companionship you deserve." He whispered in her ear and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He moved away from his patient and checked her vitals, all was normal, and began constructing a medical file for their newest 'Crewmember'.

A/N: Well did you guys like it? If so please review and favorite and follow if you have not already. Stay tuned for chapter 4, I hope to have it up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long guys. I actually had most of it written but then my computer decided to stop working and I had to get a new one. Luckily I had hand written most of the chapter so not all of it was lost. I started my second year of college this week so I'm not sure when I'll update next but I'll try my best to do it soon. As always I own nothing. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review! :)**

Chapter 4:

Jaffen exited the transporter pad with shaky legs, still not used to the sensations of being transported, arms loaded down with 2 duffle bags, the contents of which were all of his possessions. He walked towards Tuvok and Chakotay, whom came to greet him and welcome him aboard the ship.

"Welcome aboard Voyager Mr. Jaffen." Tuvok said in his customary Vulcan monotone. Jaffen just nodded in response, still not comfortable in the man's presence.

"I hope you can find her a comfortable new home." Chakotay said as she shook Jaffen's hand.

"I believe that I can." He replied

"Good. Now, there are a couple of things we have to take care of before you are officially and unofficial member of our little family." Jaffen nodded in response as he, Chakotay and Tuvok exited the transporter room and Chakotay continued to talk. "First we have to enter you into the computer, standard information, plus an identification picture. Then, we'll issue you a combadge, and as soon as were done here you can head down to sickbay and the Doctor can enter your medical history and start a medical file for you. When he's done with that you can sit with Kathryn. The sedative the Doctor gave her should be wearing off soon. We'll leave you and Kathryn to decide the matter of your living quarters."

The three men entered the turbo lift, after the doors swished closed Chakotay called out "Deck 2."

"It should take no more than 10 minutes and you can head to sickbay." Chakotay informed Jaffen.

Before the other man could respond the turbo lift doors opened and the three men left the lift with Chakotay leading the way towards his office. Jaffen trailed behind, glancing around at the bulkheads as he passed. The occasional crew member passed the group and as soon as they saw Jaffen a grin would appear on their face and they'd nod before heading on their way.

"Here we are."

Tuvok and Jaffen followed the first officer over the threshold to his office. Chakotay sat behind his desk as Jaffen took the seat in front of the desk. Tuvok opted to stand beside Chakotay. After pushing a few buttons, Chakotay looked up from his computer terminal and straight at Jaffen.

"Let's get started. Full name?"

After five minutes of questions, and Chakotay pausing to enter his answers, they were finished.

"Alright, you have been officially entered into the crew manifest as a civilian engineering consultant. Now it's time to issue you your combadge."

Chakotay opened a drawer in his desk and grabbed a combadge. After pushing a few buttons on his computer and activating and deactivating the combadge a few times he handed the device to the waiting man. He explained how to use it and told him if he had any questions either he or Kathryn could help him.

"Good. We're all dine here. So let's head to sickbay so the Doctor can examine you. Tuvok will take your belongings to the Captain's quarters for now, to get them out of the way."

"Okay." Jaffen replied handing his duffel bags to the Vulcan and watching him leave the office.

Chakotay stood up and walked around his desk. Jaffen made to follow but was blocked by Chakotay's extended arm.

"Before we head to deck 5 I'd like to say something: You better treat Kathryn like the queen she is. She has had so much hurt in her life, she doesn't need anymore. So if you hurt her, in anyway. Well… let's just say it'll be like you were never even here. Understand?" Chakotay said threateningly

"I understand, and I just want to let you know I would never hurt Kathryn intentionally. If I ever do you have my permission and request to hurt me as much if not worse than I've hurt her." Jaffen replied.

"That's a promise I will certainly make. Now let's get down to sickbay before the Doctor comes looking for us."

The two men left the office in search of the nearest turbo lift.

Jaffen followed the Commander through the doors of sick bay, his eyes adjusting to the dim lights. His eyes scanned the room in search of the woman who possessed his heart, finding her immobile body on one of the bio beds, covered with a blanket. The Doctor met the two men at the door and followed Jaffen's gaze to Kathryn's still sedated form.

He laid a photonic hand on the man's shoulder and said "The sedative should be wearing off soon and she'll regain consciousness in no time. In the meantime, she's fine. Let's head to my office."

Jaffen tore his eyes away from the love of his life and allowed the hologram to guide him towards a chair in his office. Seeing the Doctor had everything under control and having to return to the bridge, Chakotay nodded to the Doctor and left the sickbay.

The Doctor took multiple tricorder scans along with detailed holoimages of Jaffen for his medical records. After answering all the questions the Doctor had, Jaffen was finally allowed to see Kathryn. He slowly approached her bed, trying to make no noise. He grabbed a nearby chair and placed it by the head of the bed. He gently sat down and finally got a good look at the woman occupying the bed. Her pale features were relaxed in unconsciousness but the signs of previous destress were still visible on her gorgeous face. Jaffen reached his hand towards her face and carefully cupped her face, gently stroking her forehead with his thumb. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on her warm forehead as he lowered his hand to stoke her cheek. He pulled his hand away and reached under the blanket in search for Kathryn's hand. Intertwining their fingers, he gave the appendage a gently yet firm squeeze and settle in the chair, prepared to wait as long as it took for her to wake.

After a few minutes of admiring his love she began to move, her eyes fluttered and she shifted on the bed. Jaffen sat up, hand still intertwined with hers, waiting for Kathryn to open her eyes fully. She groaned as she shifted again and moved her head back and forth, alleviating the crick in her neck. Her eyes opened and her vision was blurry. She closed her eyes again and blink a few times before everything came into focus. She felt the warm presences of a hand in hers as her vision focused on the man who's hand it was.

"Jaffen." She said breathlessly.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys! This chapter is finished faster than I thought. I hope to have some time Thursday to start the next chapter so fingers crossed. This chapter is a little heavy on the fluff and maybe a little out of character for Janeway but I thought it was appropriate after what she went through. Anyway, I hope you like it.**

 **Enjoy! And don't forget to read and review!**

Chapter 5:

Fog clouded Kathryn's brain as she faded out of unconsciousness. The first thing she registered was that she wasn't in her quarters. The bed was much too uncomfortable and the smell of sanitized air filled her nostrils.

 _Sickbay,_ she thought, _why am I in sickbay?_ Her mind was to jumbled to make sense of the situation. The next thing she became aware of was the crick in her neck. She let out a low groan and moved her head trying to get the crick out.

 _I must have been here a while_

Kathryn shifted her stiff body on the bio bed and her eyes fluttered opened. The dim lights made her blurred vision worse. She shut her eyes before blinking a few times and opening them again. Her vision was better but she couldn't quite distinguish the shapes around her. As she became more aware of herself she recognized the pressure on her hand and the gentle stroking of a thumb on the side of her hand. She looked in the direction of the individual and studied his blurry outline. After a few second her sight cleared and the man next to her became visible.

"Jaffen." She gasped with astonishment. _What is he doing here? After we talked in my quarters he went back down to Quarra and I headed to the bridge_

Everything came flooding back. The turbo lift, trying to collect herself, breaking down in her office in the Doctor's presence. The pain and embarrassment and shame for letting her emotions get the better of her took over and her eyes filled with tears. She blinked rapidly trying to make them disappear but it only made things worse. Kathryn let out a sniffle as her tears were on the brink, before she could register what was happening Jaffen scooped her up and pulled her close, arms circling her thin, fragile waist. Jaffen's warm, loving embrace and the sweet words he whispered in between kisses to her head were her undoing. The flood gates opened and Kathryn let out a heart wrenching sob. Jaffen tightened his arms around the woman he loved and ran his hands up and down her back gently while she sobbed.

The doctor came out of his office at the noise of Kathryn's sobs and with a quick look from Jaffen and a silent promise to call him when Kathryn was feeling better he disappeared back into his office.

"Shhhh baby. Everything is alright. Everything is okay, there is no need to cry Kathryn."

Kathryn nodded but continued to sob. Not knowing what else to do Jaffen continued to hold Kathryn while she let all her emotions out. After a few minutes her sobs became sniffles and she still clung on to the man whose arms surrounded her. She sniffled again and snuggled into Jaffen's chest. He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Feel better baby?" He asked.

Kathryn nodded and spoke for the first time in over 24 hours:

"What are you doing here?" her voice was a little rough from disuse.

"Chakotay called me, he said they found a way for us to be together and there won't be any chance of you getting in trouble with your federation. I'm your new civilian engineering consultant." He replied with a grin. Kathryn shifted in his arms, broke his grip and looked up at him with her puffy eyes and tear stained face.

"Really?" The hope was evident in her voice but her eyes held a hint of fear, that this was all too good to be true.

Jaffen cupped her face and looked her directly in the eyes.

"Really. You're stuck with me forever babe." He replied.

Kathryn smiled widely as she fiercely hugged Jaffen, tears of joy streaming down her face. Jaffen hugged her back then pulled far enough away to kiss her on the forehead, the tip of her nose and finally her perfect lips. Kathryn was in heaven as she kissed back. In the 7 years they have been stuck in the Delta Quadrant she never imagined she could have a 'legal' relationship with the man of her dreams. Jaffen, as if he could read her mind, deepened the kiss and Kathryn moaned as her tongue collided with his. The loving couple continued to kiss until they were interrupted by the Doctor clearing his throat beside them.

"Ahem."

Kathryn and Jaffen broke apart, their cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"I see you're feeling much better Captain." The Doctor said with a smile. "I just want to have a look at your vitals and you two lovebirds can be on your way."

Kathryn blushed and nodded as the Doctor ran the medical tricorder around her. He studied the readings for a few seconds before informing the Captain of her condition.

"Everything looks good. As always make sure you have a decent amount of sleep and replace most of your coffee intake with actual food-"

"I'll make sure she does Doctor." Jaffen came to his love's defense

"I'm sure you will." He said suggestively with an eyebrow raise.

"Doctor!" Kathryn exclaimed

The doctor ignored her as he replaced the tricorder and grabbed a padd. After pushing a few buttons, he looked up at the couple,

"You're free to go Captain." Before the sentence finished leaving his mouth Kathryn was off the bio bed and out the door, pulling Jaffen along by the hand.

The doctor rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath about his worst patient as he walked back to his office.

****************meanwhile in the corridor*******************

"Kathryn…. Slow down!" Jaffen said out of breath, "He's not following us."

"No! It's not safe to slow down until we're in the turbo lift. We have to keep moving." She replied quickening her pace as she continued to all but dragged him down the corridor.

On their trip to the turbo lift they passed by a few crewmen, shocked by their Captain's behavior but also filled joy about seeing her so happy and amusement as they watched her drag Jaffen along.

When Kathryn and Jaffen reached the safety of the turbo lift she let go of his hand and called out "Deck 4"

"Now, we're safe." Kathryn told the out of breath man beside her as he massaged his sore arm.

"Jesus Kathryn you almost tore my arm off, then we'd have had to go back to sick bay and get it reattached." Jaffen complained and Kathryn just rolled her eyes in response.

The couple rode the lift in silence waiting for it to arrive at their deck. About 20 second later the turbo lift stopped and the doors swished open. Kathryn exited the lift at a more subdue pace, Jaffen on her heels. She led him through the empty corridors to the door of her quarters. She keyed in her access code and entered.

"Computer lights 50%" She said in route to the couch. Jaffen followed behind her, joining her on the couch. He put his arm on the back of the couch as Kathryn proceeded to snuggle into his side.

"I am so glad you're here." She said.

"Me too babe." He replied, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

A huge smiles crossed Kathryn face at his answer.

"So Chakotay says I'm all entered into the ship and ready to start, there is just one more thing…." Jaffen said.

"Which is?" Kathryn said looking up at his handsome face.

"As of now I don't have any quarters." He said with a suggestive look

"Is that a request?" Kathryn asked amused.

"Is that an invitation?" Jaffen fired back with the same amount of amusement.

Kathryn's face turned serious.

"You're welcome here Jaffen, you know that. That is, if you want to." She said biting her lip nervously and averting her eyes.

Jaffen placed a finger under her chin and raised her head until they made eye contact.

"There is no place I'd rather be than here with you." He said.

She released her lip and smiled. "It looks like we're roommates than Mr. Jaffen."

"It's a pleasure Ms. Janeway." He replied tickling her sides. Kathryn squealed and tried to squirm away. He continued his tickle ambush for several minutes.

"Okay… Okay truce?" She asked out of breath and arms protecting her sides.

He looked at her red face and huge smile and couldn't help but kiss her nose.

"Truce." He agreed as he pulled away. Before he could return to his seated position, Kathryn grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled his lips to hers. It was a chase kiss but all their emotions from the last couple days flowed through their kiss increasing their passion.

They pulled away out of breath and rubbed noses.

"We have to assign you my quarters before someone tries to steal you for themselves." Kathryn said, placing one more kiss on his check before rising from the couch and walking over to her desk. She turned her computer terminal around and pushed a few buttons. In less than a minute she looked up and moved away from the desk.

"There, you are now an official resident of the captain's quarters." She said.

"I hope she won't mind." Jaffen joked wrapping his arms around her narrow waist.

"I can assure she doesn't." She replied before kissing him. Jaffen smiled into the kiss and kissed her back. They kissed until they were interrupted by Kathryn's yawn, and they separated with a laugh.

"I was sedated; you'd think I wouldn't be tired." She said with another yawn.

"That's not real sleep though sweetie." Jaffen said, and at the face she made in response he continued. "Come on, bed time." She made another face but complied and lead him to her bedroom.

"Change while I brush my teeth and then we can switch." Kathryn said on her way to the bathroom.

"Your wish is my command my Queen."

At his response Kathryn burst out laughing, memories of Arachnia filled her brain.

"I have a story to tell you about being a queen." She said in between giggles "But in the morning, I'm pooped." She said in response to his questioning look and continued on her way to brush her teeth.

A couple minutes later the couple switched places and Kathryn chose her favorite peach satin night gown. She slipped it on and climbed into bed. Jaffen exited the bathroom and climbed in the other side of the bed. He opened his arms and Kathryn snuggled into his embrace, her head resting on his exposed chest.

"I could get used to this." Kathryn said sleepily.

"So could I love. Good night Kathryn." Jaffen said kissing her good night.

"Good night Jaffen." She replied, eyes barely opened.

The couple snuggled into bed and each other's embrace, where they'll spend many more nights together.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know I made Kathryn a little more mushy and emotional in the last chapter but after all she's been through and finally being able to have an actual relationship and have the human contact she's been missing she deserves to be a little mushy and gross with Jaffen**

While the happy couple sleep soundly in their quarters, most of the senior staff (Neelix, Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna, Chakotay and the doctor) gathered in the empty mess hall for a secret discussion.

"I think we should tell her!" The doctor said.

"I disagree!' argued B'Elanna "Telling her will only hurt her and she is so happy. Why ruin it?"

"I agree with B'Elanna. Kathryn is in fragile state and this could cause a lot of damage." Chakotay stated.

"Yeah, because it's your fault!" Tom snarled.

The commander's face turned an angry tomato color.

"How is this my fault?" he asked.

"Well, let's recap, shall we?" Paris said sarcastically. "You basically strung her along for years until finally telling her you weren't interested. Anytime she showed interest in someone else there you were on the war path claiming her as your own! And then to top it all off you started shaking up with the captain's equivalent of a daughter and still treated her like you essentially owned her!"

The commander looked ready to blow his top as he charged towards the other man. Not wanting this to escalate any further than it already has Neelix stepped in between the two hot heads.

"Gentlemen! This is getting us nowhere except a trip to sick bay." The talaxian stated. "Since we can't seem to agree on the logical way to solve this we must go with the medical way."

Turning towards the doctor, Neelix asked the hologram: "Doctor, in your medical opinion, is Captain Janeway capable of hearing and accepting what happened with her combadge?"

"I believe that the Captain can handle this news. It may take a little while for her to accept it but that's expected. And I am sure Mr. Jaffen will help her through this difficult time."

Before anyone could comment or disagree Tuvok added his opinion to the mix: "As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with the Doctor. The Captain is resilient and deserves to know."

"That settles it then. Tomorrow we'll inform the captain on what happened." Neelix said.

"Wait a minute! We didn't agree to that!" B'Elanna shouted.

"The doctor sated that medically the right choice is to tell the Captain. And since the Doctor outranks us on medical matters-" Tom told his wife

"What he decides is the final decision." B'Elanna grumbled the reaming part of the sentence. "Fine. But I'm not telling her. And I want it put on record that I am completely against this foolish idea."

"I think since it was the Doctor's medical decision to inform the captain it's only natural that he be the one to tell her." Tuvok said.

"I second that." Chakotay said with a frown, not happy they were going to tell Kathryn about what happened but glad he wasn't the one who had to tell her. "Meeting adjourned."

And with that the senior staff dispersed, leaving the Doctor sitting at the now empty table.

"What have I just gotten myself into?" He asked the empty room. He sighed and got up heading to sick bay to try and construct what he was going to say when he informed the captain about her dirty laundry being accidently strewn about the ship.

 **A/N: Hi guys! Its been a while I know, I really wanted to write sooner but I was swamped with school and then when my holiday break started I was not motivated to write. But I finally got back into the swing of things for now and I really hope to have the next chapter up very soon. This chapter is rather short, it's more of a filler chapter to kind of set the stage, so to speak, for chapter 7. I hope it's not too awful and I hope chapter 7 is much better. Stay tuned and thank you so very much for sticking with this story :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hi guys, I know its been a while, a lot longer than I thought it would be but I'm back. I wanted to get this chapter up earlier but I haven't had the time. But I'm on spring break and I hope to get some writing done. I hope you enjoy and review, I love to here your thoughts on the story line and feel free to shoot any ideas/suggestions my way :) I hope you like it, I plan on writing ch.8 tomorrow and posting it as soon as I can. Thank you so much for sticking with this story :)**

 **-A**

Chapter 7:

Kathryn slowly descended the realm of sleep and felt the warm presence of another next to her in bed. For a moment, she was confused until it all came rushing back, waking up in sickbay and the love of her life was by her bedside ready to claim her forever. Kathryn snuggled into the warmth of the bed, enjoying the feeling of having someone asleep next to her. It filled her heart with the love she was missing for the past 7 years.

"Computer," Kathryn asked, eyes closed drifting back to sleep, "What time is it?"

"09:00" The computer replied in her monotone voice.

Kathryn's eyes flew opened as she jumped from the bed and grabbed her combadge, waking Jaffen in the process. She rushed towards her closet as she called to Chakotay on the bridge.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here Captain." He replied a second later.

"Commander I am so sorry. It seems that I overslept. I will of course note my oversight in my reports and stay an extra 2 hours to make up for the 2 hours I have missed and I'll take extra shifts to make up for it. It's not fair to the crew for their captain to show up whenever she wants-"

"Captain!" Chakotay interrupted her rambling. "You're not late. It's your day off."

Kathryn made a face at his words and opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted again.

"Before you complain, yes it's your day off and no there is no way you are getting on this bridge until your shift in 2 days."

Kathryn made another face and grumbled "Fine."

Chakotay laughed. "One more thing Captain, the doctor would like to see you in sick bay sometime today."

"We'll see about that." Kathryn replied under her breath.

"What was that Captain?"

"I said 'yeah, okay. I'll go see him as soon as I can'." She said louder.

"That's what I thought you said. Have a great 2 days off." He said before he closed the com line.

Kathryn sighed, _what was she going to do for the next two days?_ She hated days off, especially mandatory ones.

"Babe, come back to bed." Jaffen said

Kathryn opened her mouth to say no, but stopped herself.

 _It is your day off Kathryn_ , she thought, _you're banned from the bridge for the next two days, you might as well enjoy a lazy day in bed with your hot guy._

"Ughh, I'm getting soft." She said quietly as she made her way back to bed.

Jaffen lifted the covers as Kathryn slid into bed. She snuggled in to his embrace as he kissed her head.

"So, I have you all to myself today and tomorrow huh? What ever will we do?" Jaffen asked with a smile.

"I'm sure we could think of a few things." Kathryn replied as she kissed him.

Jaffen smiled into the kissed and wrapped his arms around the woman he loved.

After a few minutes the happy couple broke apart and nuzzled their noses together.

"So, what's this thing about you being a Queen?" Jaffen asked.

Kathryn laughed, "It's a long story."

"Well we have all day." He said.

Kathryn laughed again and launched into the story of the aliens and Tom and his holoprogram and Chaotica.

"… and that's how I became Arachnia, Queen of the Spider people." She ended the story, waiting for Jaffen's response.

"That's the sexiest thing I have ever heard. Do you still have the costume?" He asked, voiced filled with lust.

"Yeah, it's somewhere in the back of my closet. Maybe I can put it on later and you can be my prisoner." Kathryn said in a husky voice.

"Mmm your wish is my command my queen." Jaffen said and kissed her.

His hands firmly grasped her silk covered ass. Kathryn moaned and rolled them so she was on top, straddling his waist. She pulled away and studied the face beneath her.

' _I think I could start liking this day off thing. I'm so lucky to have finally found the man of my dreams. Now I just have to keep him.'_ She smiled and leaned in to pull him into a kiss.

The happy couple spent a few more hours in bed before venturing out to the replicator for food. Kathryn replicated them some brunch and of course her lifeline coffee. The couple ate and talked and snuggled on the couch. After they finished their meal Jaffen brought up the topic Kathryn had been dreading.

"I think it's time to go visit sickbay. You've been avoiding it all morning Kathryn." Jaffen said.

Kathryn made a face

"Fine, but I'm not going to like it or be happy about it. And we're taking a bath when we get back." She said matter of fact as she marched into the bed room to get dressed.

"Of course, dear." Jaffen replied to the empty room before getting up to join her in getting ready.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

After changing into civilian clothes (Kathryn's uniforms were missing as she was not allowed to wear them on her days off, and after some yelling, threats and pouts she finally dressed in jeans and a t-shirt) the couple left their quarters and headed towards the nearest turbolift.

After the short lift ride, they exited the lift and headed towards sick bay. Kathryn entered the room and marched over towards the doctor.

"You wanted to see me Doctor." She said.

The Doctor looked up shocked that the Captain had shown up so early in the day, or at all.

"I was not expecting you so early." He replied nervously.

"Yes, well I wasn't planning on coming at all but here I am. So, what do you want to see me about?" She said, wanting to get to the business at hand so she could leave as soon as possible.

The Doctor looked around nervously, trying to bide some time to work up the manufactured courage he installed in himself earlier that morning.

He signed and ushered the couple towards his office.

"I think it's best we talk in my office, so we won't be interrupted." He replied

Once in his office the Doctor took his seat behind his desk while Kathryn and Jaffen took the seats in front of his desk.

The Doctor remained quiet, He didn't know how to start the delicate discussion.

"Was there a point to this meeting Doctor or did you just want to stare at us?" Kathryn asked annoyed.

"I'm sorry Captain, but this is a hard situation to talk about and I'm not quite sure how to start." He replied.

She looked at his expectantly with her trademark 'Tell me now or I'll phaser it out of you' look she saved for the nastiest of the delta quadrant creatures they have encountered over the past 7 years. He took a deep breath and decided to just come out and say it.

"Captain, I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but, the other day when you called me to your office and I comforted you…." He stopped mid-sentence, not knowing how to continue.

"What about it?" She asked with a worried expression.

"Somehow your combadge was activated and our entire conversation was broadcasted to the...entire ship." He finished quietly.

Kathryn's face turned white as her eyes grew wide.

"The entire crew heard me have an emotional breakdown and confess my deepest, darkest secrets to you?" She asked for clarification, her voice low and emotionless.

"Yes." He reluctantly confirmed, avoiding eye contact.

She remained quiet after that. The Doctor looked up when he wasn't verbally attacked.

"Captain?" He asked concerned as she sat motionless and expressionless.

She didn't reply. She just sat there quietly before she got up and walked out of sickbay, remaining silent the entire time.

Jaffen and the Doctor shared a look before Jaffen ran after her to make sure she was okay.

Now all alone in his office, the Doctor sat there in silence.

"That could not have gone any worse." He said to himself, his head falling into his hands as he sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know it's been a while, but I feel like I'm back in the writing mojo and I think I'll be back to regular updates, at least until school start again in a month. I hope you enjoy, please review! I know I made Kathryn a little emotional but I feel like it fits the situation.**

 **Anyway, enjoy! :)**

 **Chapter 8:**

The sickbay doors swished shut behind him as he ran after Kathryn. As he ran down the hallway the only glimpse he caught of her was the back of her body as she rounded the corners. He finally caught up to her at the turbolift. Her back was to him and he approached quietly as not to spook her.

"Kathryn?" He asked quietly as soon as he was near enough to catch her if she made another run for it.

She didn't answer. Jaffen placed a hand on her shoulder and her resolve crumbled. Her shoulders shook as tears fell from her eyes and a sob escaped her lips.

"Oh Kathryn." Jaffen whispered as he took her into his arms. Her sobs increased as his arms encircled her. The turbolift doors swished open to reveal the thankfully empty lift.

Jaffen led his distraught girlfriend into the lift and called out the deck their quarters were on. Kathryn seemed unaware of their location change. She had stopped crying but her face was still hidden in Jaffen's shoulder. The couple stood in silence, Jaffen's hand making soothing motions on Kathryn's back. Finally, the lift stopped on their deck and the automatic doors whooshed opened. With a gentle nudge, Jaffen led Kathryn from the lift into the corridor and to their quarters. After typing in the access code Kathryn had given him earlier, the doors opened and the couple entered.

Kathryn was led to the couch as the door swished shut behind them. They sat in silence, Kathryn staring at her hands laying in her lap. After a few minutes of silence Jaffen decided he should try and get her to talk.

"Kathryn, I think we should talk about what happened." He suggested softly.

"There's nothing to talk about, my entire crew heard me in my greatest moment of weakness and no longer see me as a fit leader." She replied sadly.

"That's not true!" Jaffen told her sternly. "They see you as the same leader as they did before. Except now you're more human to them, more understandable, more approachable."

"That's bullshit and we both know it! They can't look me in the eye without picturing me sobbing and spilling my guts to the Doctor in my ready room!" She screamed. "They think I'm pathetic and a sham of the leader they once had! I'm not the leader they deserve!"

"Do you hear yourself?! Everything you just said is not only wrong but insane. This crew respects you more now than they did before. They know you're only human and every human has their breaking point!" He grasped her shoulders and forced her to make eye contact. "Yes, you reached your breaking point. And yes, your entire meltdown was broadcasted throughout the entire ship, but that is not your fault. And it did not make your crew think any less of you. They respect you, and love you. This incident did not change that, in fact I think it increased and solidified the reasons why they respect you.

"When I came aboard yesterday, they were beyond welcoming. They were happy I was here; do you know why?"

Kathryn shook her head, eyes still locked with his.

"They were happy because they knew I would make you happy." Jaffen stated and Kathryn's eyes filled with tears. "They love you Kathryn. You are like a mother to them and they want nothing more than to see you happy. They have watched you for the past 7 years isolate yourself from them, work yourself to the bone, deny yourself the companionship, partnership that every human craves. They just want you to be happy. Yes, they could have gone without knowing your deepest, darkest secrets but it only made them stronger in their admiration to you."

Kathryn smiled as tears flowed down her cheeks. "You're right. Don't get used to it, but you're right."

Jaffen chuckled and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. He used his sleeve to wipe away her tears and kissed each of her red, swollen eyes. Kathryn sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"How can I show my face again? How can I look each of them in the eyes and not think of what happened?" She asked, biting her bottom lip.

"You don't acknowledge it. You don't bring it up. They won't, so, why should you?" He said.

She nodded and snuggled into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'll give it a try." She said quietly.

"It's going to take time to move past this honey, but this is the first step."

"You're quiet the little speech maker. How many of these speeches do you have on hand?" Kathryn asked teasingly but also serious.

"That's for me to know and you to find out." He said mystically. She gave him a look and he changed his answer. "As many as you'll need babe." He said with a kiss to the temple.

Kathryn smiled, happy with his edited answer.

"That's enough emotions for today, how about we take that bath now and then take a nap?" She proposed with a yawn.

"Sounds good to me love." Jaffen replied. "But before we do I just want you to know, you don't ever have to be afraid to tell me when you're feeling scared or sad or angry, okay? I know it's easier to push the emotions down or hide them and deal with them on your own but I want this relationship to work and for it to we have to be honest with each other."

"I know. I won't withhold any of that on purpose. it's just that it's been so long since I had someone to share that kind of stuff with I'm a little out of practice." Kathryn said ashamed. "But I'm going to try." She promised.

"I'll be by your side every step of the way." He promised as he stood.

"Now, it's bath time." He said, outstretching his hand towards her.

She took it with no objection and let a genuine smile of joy spread across her face. She allowed his to pull her along towards the bathroom in comfortable silence.

*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*K/J*

The happy couple lay snuggled together in the soothing water that filled the spacious tub. The lavender scented bubbles surrounded them in a tranquil bubble.

Kathryn smiled wide as Jaffen nuzzled her neck with his nose.

"This is amazing and I could get used to this." Her voice filled the silence of the room as her head fell back to lay on his shoulder.

"Me too beautiful." He hugged her tighter as he felt her stiffen. "What's wrong?"

She turned towards him, her eyes showing traces of new tears, "You're the first person to call me beautiful in 6 years." Her voice cracked with emotion.

His heart broke at how lonely she must have been the past 7 years, watching everyone around her enter romantic relationships, something she was forbidden from legally and personally.

"That's going to change baby. I am going to call you beautiful, and gorgeous, and cute, and sexy every chance I get."

She beamed with happiness. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Good!" He said hugging her tight.

The two enjoyed the bath for 20 more minutes before the water stared to cool.

"Come on Angel, let's get into some warm pajamas and take a much need nap."

Kathryn allowed Jaffen to lead her out of the bath and into a large, warm, fluffy towel. She walked out of the bathroom, Jaffen trailing behind, and over to the closet. She picked out a pale-yellow camisole and shorts silk pajama set and discarded her towel. Before slipping into her pajamas, Kathryn wrapped the towel around her shoulder length hair and twisted it atop her head. Once dressed the blue-eyed beauty turned around and caught Jaffen staring at her as he leaded against the door frame connecting the bathroom to the bedroom.

"See something you like?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Absolutely." He replied with lust and love filled eyes. He moved away from the wall and stalked towards her. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her on the lips. She smiled into the kiss and reciprocated. After a few minutes, the couple pulled away for air and Jaffen turned towards his clothes and dug through his duffel in search of pajama pants.

Kathryn pulled the covers down on the neatly made bed, discarded her wet towel, and climbed in. She watched Jaffen dig until he finally found his pants and licked her lips as he tossed his towel on the nearby chair and pull the article of clothing over his perfectly sculpted ass.

"Later we'll clear some space in my dresser and closet for your things, it's not fair to have you live out of your duffels." Kathryn announced.

"Sounds like a plan." Jaffen agreed as he climbed in beside her. They snuggled towards each other and Jaffen wrapped his arms around Kathryn's tiny body. She looked up and kissed him gently on the lips, pulling away quickly to rub his nose with her own.

"Sleep tight and have sweet dreams my Kathryn."

"I will as long as you are here with me."

The couple fell asleep, locked in a comforting, warm embrace.


End file.
